


Possessed By Light

by lovelywanderer



Series: Skam ficlets [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Anorexia, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Even Bech Næsheim, Character Study, Dancer Vilde, Dancing, Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/F, F/M, Hurt Isak Valtersen, Inspired by Richard Siken, M/M, Mania, Mental Health Issues, POV Even Bech Næsheim, Sexuality Crisis, multi universe theory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25373479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelywanderer/pseuds/lovelywanderer
Summary: On the nights he can’t sleep, Even creates movies in his head.Noora cant imagine who she would be without William, and it scares the hell out of her.Isak wonders if maybe, in another universe, his love story doesn't turn out like it has.Vilde would dance until she forgot that her feet ached, and until she forgot that she was herself.(character studies to Richard Siken poems)
Relationships: Eva Kviig Mohn/Vilde Lien Hellerud, Even Bech Næsheim & Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Sonja (SKAM), William Magnusson/Noora Amalie Sætre
Series: Skam ficlets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837459
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. slimy moonlit riverbed

**Author's Note:**

> Skam stories inspired by Richard Siken.

On the nights he can’t sleep, Even creates movies in his head.

He plans them perfectly, the lighting hitting just right, the movement of the camera as it tells a little story itself, the words spoken, the words that aren’t. Sometimes he’s on the outside, almost the director, watching everything happen, holding his breath in his darkened room. Other times he’s an actor thrust into what is always a tragedy in his sad, tired brain. And every long night, eyes closed, soft rap playing, and too many images flashing in his head, Even dreams of dying a little. Getting his heart torn out or falling too far or letting his pills drag him under. He knows it's fucked, but it's not like anyone can see it. 

When he first met Sonja, she blends into his mind movies spectacularly, meeting at coffee shops, or tangled up in her body, or Romeo and Juliet type tragedies. After a while though, the movies begin to get boring, overdone.

And then Isak. 

Isak with his smooth skin and soft hair and adorable pout.

Isak underwater, Isak in bed, Isak breaking his heart.

His words hit Even like a train “I’m better off without mentally ill people in my life,” and the screen breaks. But oh no this cannot be a movie any longer, it feels so real, too fast, the elegance has faded, the mystery shattered like champagne glasses. The movie gets warped, bits of Even's heart almost hitting the camera, shards flying into Isak's mouth, skin, eyes.

He doesn’t notice. 

Even’s not having fun anymore. Sonja’s always there, but he promises he didn't mean to kiss her, didn't mean for Isak to see, but it’s a heart for a heart in this world, isn't it? All Even knows is he needs Isak, runs back to him at his texts, his mind blurred and fast and too much but nothing is as loud as _isakisakisak._ Even wants to be normal for him, be perfect, healthy. But it’s too much.

He crashes, always does. The room is dark and he can feel Isak’s body against him. He doesnt deserve it. The pillow is soft and smells like teenage boy, He doesnt deserve it. Even deserves nothing. 


	2. so it's summer, so it's suicide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Little Beast by Richard Siken

Noora’s hands shake when she brushes her hair. That's how she knows she's getting bad again.

Music plays outside of her and Williams' room, the voices of their friends drifting in through the crack in the door.

She wants to feel like them and be like them again but can’t shoulder all the reason’s shes leaving them, but just as she loves the night, she loves William. She knows she should have an issue with the way his thoughts over power hers, how he can change her mind so easily now.

It scares her.

But so does not being with him.

History repeats itself, which is why she is not surprised her hands shake. And why she's not surprised she's leaving her life for a boy or pushing to perfection again.

She wonders if she'll spend the rest of her days a shadow of William, strong and beautiful, but easily forgotten, written off. She floats out the door and to the party, linking eyes with him and being pulled in a little more. Shes leaving. She has to. She needs someone to want her like he does, even if it kills her. It will kill her.

The magic fades overtime, until shes been in London for months and she's no longer convinced he loves her enough. She has no friends, no ideas or worth. She can't eat. The meals William brings her in bed weigh her down too much, as he kisses her on the head and leaves. And leaves. And leaves. Until it’s her turn and she leaves him, goes back home, and waits for him to come get her. To wrap her in his suffocating grip again, to brush her hair for her. Because she doesn't know who she is without him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not the biggest fan of William can you tell?


	3. but then he's still left with his hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Boot Theory by Richard Siken.

The multiverse theory has always been a sanctuary for Isak. He would wonder what him in another universe was doing, if maybe his parents weren't fighting, or maybe he had different parents, and wasn't curled up in the corner of his room, trying to escape the harsh bullets. When he reaches Nisen, he pours himself into his science classes, finally having found something he excelled at. He would scan the pages of his textbook relentlessly, to try and find proof that he wasn't stuck in this universe. 

He wonders if maybe, in another universe, his love story doesn't turn out like it has. Maybe when he walked into kosegroupe meeting, there was no Even, no blue eyed beam to guide him home. Maybe he never accepted his sexuality, and ended up in an unhappy marriage to a woman he convinced himself to love. Would he end up just like his parents in that universe? A carbon copy of his mother, lying on his back, crying to the sound of footsteps in the apartment above. 

Or maybe, in another universe, he does meet Even, and it'ts bright and wonderful and full of cheese toasties, until he crashed, and decided Isak's not enough to save him, because one person can never be enough to save anyone. And what if Even kicks him out, pushes him away, until Isak is laying on his back, crying to the sound of footsteps in the apartment above. 

Or maybe, Isak doesn't love anyone, maybe he never finds Eskild, never leaves his parents, never stops being tired and scared. Maybe in another universe, Isak is left alone, with his textbooks and theories and his sadness. 

Maybe Isak is glad he is in this universe, even if its hard, even if he still wakes up to the memory of his father shouting, as his mother lies on her back, crying to the sound of footsteps in the apartment above. 


	4. and dress them in warm clothes again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Scheherazade by Richard Siken

Vilde used to dance. In her room, trying to get her noodle arms to grasp at grace. In the cheapest studio her mother could find, captivated by the perfect movements in the large mirrors, everyone moving at the same time, breathing, dancing, at the same time. Like most things of course, her mother stopped being able to pay for it, fell deeper into her depression, leaving Vilde to make her own meals and quit her dance classes, selling her shoes for money for more blankets. She meets Eva around the second time the power in their apartment is turned off. She looks at these girls, who don't know where she comes from or why she no longer floats when she walks, and decides she could be anyone she wanted. It's almost like a dance. She gets to go over the steps of a normal teenage girl, one who doesn't have to layer jackets just get warm in her own home. She knows she may never be anyone favorite, but maybe she can become close. Its obvious Eva likes Noora best, but Vilde likes to think she's close. Some nights, when her mother was so drugged up she couldn't hear a thing, Vilde would turn all the lights on in the kitchen, and dance and dance and dance. She would dance until she forgot that her feet ached, and until she forgot that she was herself. 

William isn't good for her, but he has a way of making her feel special, noticed. There's a dance in her head when she's with him, one wit no end, the movements playing all night, as she spins in the kitchen of her mind. She could be better, she knows, she knows it every time she looks at Noora. With her slim body and perfect skin and lovely eyes. Vilde knows tat the less she eats, the less she can dance, but it's not like she can afford to ever really do anything with it anyway. So she fears potatoes. And she watches Eva. And she kisses Eva, while drunk, but it makes Vilde feel floaty again, makes her feel like dancing. So she dances for the last time that night, head fuzzy with booze and Eva and starvation, body quaking, light streaming in through the windowpanes, she feels invincible. 


End file.
